Your high school teachers are always telling you that college professors won’t as lenient as they are, that college is going to be so hard, and you better shape up. Yeah, listen up, kid. They’re not lying. But we did you a little favor, we pulled together a list that outlines the 12 kinds of professors you’ll meet in college and just how you’ll survive so you can pass with high marks. Yes, yes, you’re welcome.
The Impossible Professor
“Back in my day, we walked 15 miles in a blizzard just to get to class and we still got a higher class average then you lot.” Sound familiar? This professor is constantly moaning and groaning about “college students these days”, how you’re never prepared, and he always brings up the old days at every turn. So just ask friends who took the course because old exams are your best friend here.
The Always Late Professor
The whole class is eyeing the clock because if the professor doesn’t show up in one minute, y’all are bouncing. Oh wait, of course. Of course she just strolls in at the last second and you thought she’d be a no-show. When are you going to learn, she’s always late but always on time. Just don’t show up later than her and you’ll be fine.
The PowerPoint Professor
We know, what’s the point of even going to class when all the professor does is read off his ridiculous PowerPoint presentations? It’s like he doesn’t even want to be there, he’d probably have more fun handling plumbing services instead of being in a classroom day in, day out. Just print off the slides, save yourself the note taking.
The Non-Stop Lecturer
While this professor has ample knowledge in his/her subject, it’s like they don’t know how to wrap it in in just one hour. Good luck taking notes when all you can understand is every fifth word. Here’s a hand tip, record the lecture and play it again at a later time. Or you can just get an online college degree to avoid it all together.
The $elf Promoter
Make up your mind, professor, we just can’t take it anymore! I mean, first, she has the audacity to roast other textbook authors like they’re a bunch of morons. Then she comes out with her own book and assures you it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread, even though she’s actually raising the price of her own textbook ALL THE TIME. And how could we forget, every single semester she comes out with a new book and that’s the one you’re required to buy otherwise you’ll fail. So if you want to pass, actually read the darn book (whatever version she’s currently demanding).
The Really Nerdy Hunk
Gurl, you drooling. Yeah, we know, there’s always one super hunky professor that makes your heart flutter and your face blush. But uhh, don’t get any ideas or you’ll never pass that class. Here’s another handy tip, stop fantasizing about the man and pay attention. We know it’s hard but pull yourself together!
The Sex-Obsessed Professor
Just about every professor in the English department because there is somehow sexual symbolism in every novel you’re reading. So you better be prepared to deal with the sexual innuendos in every lecture. Plus, if you want to pass the course, make sure every paper you write about has something in it to do with sex. Right about now, online universities sound really good don’t they?
You walk into your first lecture and your professor is wearing Birkenstocks, that’s called foreshadowing because this is gonna be one chilled out professor, people. She’ll probably mention smoothies, non-violence and spirituality about 50 times in an hour. Oh yeah, don’t ask her if she wants to smoke with you, we never said she was into that kind of thing just because she’s a hippie.
The Uber Famous Professor
Oh yeah, this professor is the one you see way more on cable news than you do in the lecture hall. You might as well get an online college degree because that professor isn’t going to show up anytime soon, which can only mean, you’re stuck with the TA (keep reading, it’ll make sense).
The “Unbiased” Biased Politics Professor
You know the one, he starts every lecture by whipping out a joke he heard the previous night on “The Rachel Maddow Show,” and that show is as liberal as it gets. How can we forget he throws in a Bushism “for old time’s sake” every chance he gets. If you wanna pass that class, just make a loose joke about John Boehner’s fake tan.
The Way Too Enthusiastic TA
We told you it would make sense. He might wear snazzy bow ties to seem older but in fact, he’s only like two years older than you. He might come off as super smart but he’s more equipped to deal with toddlers, that sartorial humor isn’t fooling anyone, pal. I mean, the guy can’t even pronounce Foucault but if you want to pass the class, just play along.
The Accented Professor
I mean, this professor is sooooo nice but this super thick, foreign accent leave you totally and utterly confused every time. Your notes look like an etch-a-sketch and you read every chapter after class because you have no idea what just happened in that lecture hall. Shoot him an email to ask for clarification or you’ll always stay that confused for the rest of the semester.